Haunted by Christmas Past

I am feeling overwhelmed with everything at the moment. I haven’t been writing much over the past few days and I need to get back to it.

Things are picking up at work and they are training me for a promotion on Monday. It is nice to feel appreciated and they are very good at that.

I’ve been missing Dallas terribly these past few days. Looking forward to my trip there in the next two weeks, but I know it won’t be long enough.

Things are happening rapidly and all at once right now. My brother, S., just left for the beginning of his tour of duty in Iraq. He will be back for Christmas, then he will be gone for a year, which means a year of constant worry. My other brother, C., is going to South Carolina as a stop over point for a month before he leaves for three years to Germany. I had an old, dear friend get in touch with me after 7 years only to tell me she is moving to California this month! My parents killed Oliver or Olivia this morning (the pigs) and I can’t bring myself to ask or find out which one. I don’t want to think about it.

I’ve been busy with work, family, internet surfing and more, in the process neglecting my blogs. I’ve got about 20 post it notes in my room of things I want to write a post about and I can’t seem to get into the pensive mood I usually adopt to write.

It is a weird holiday for me. One that feels somewhat like an anti-holiday. I usually embrace all that is Christmas; the decorating, carols, lights, bustle of shoppers, tense anticipation, hot cocoa, Santa, garish colors….all of it. I am a Christmas freak. This year however, without my own home to decorate and a lot of people to worry about or miss, no familiar mainstays, plus the memories of the last three Christmases attempting to haunt me, I just feel sort of numb and in shock. I don’t feel in control of my feelings at the moment, just twirled around with each gust of wind coming my way.

I can’t wait to see the Dallas skyline. I think it will give me just the jolt I need to get out of this funk.