Life Is NOT About Being Happy
“The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you lived and lived well.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
While desperately pursuing a sweet spot in life, a carefree happiness that’s eluded me for some time, I’ve recently lost sight of any higher purpose. I, like a child, wanted instant gratification. Intentionally forgetting that enlightenment and wisdom most often come through great adversity and pain, I’ve just been trying to get the pain to stop. Doing so, I believe I may be inadvertently slowing the process to that eventual goal. When we set aside our problems to be looked at later and drown our sorrows in the protective presence of friends and beer, those problems don’t disappear. I know this, but I am not living this.
I don’t want to just get by in life, I want to experience it to the fullest, to the absolute hilt.
What I am doing now, how I make use of my time now, will never get me to the hilt.
“In the end, it’s what gets you through the day that counts.”
So many people repeat and/or subscribe to this theory, but dwelling on it this evening, I realized it couldn’t be more wrong. Making the most of your life means doing the exact opposite of that, for sure. It has everything to do with what you choose to do to get you through the day.
For the people who regularly end a long workday with a six-pack of beer and mind numbing television programs, they are making a choice. A life choice. That choice, poor or not, is to zone out, veg out and otherwise zombie-walk through the rest of their lives. Rather than face each day clear-headed and vulnerable to life’s inevitable disappointments, they prefer to immune themselves to trials and tribulations with numbing agents that narrow their fields of perception. There are nearly endless ways to zone out; video games, movies, talking mindlessly on the phone, bottles of wine, whatever. And I’m not saying that a few mind numbing nights are not in order…we all need to zone out once in awhile. However, the ease in which you can slip into that numbing process is dangerous. Suddenly, it’s every night and you wake up one day, wondering what the hell you’ve accomplished in your life. Well, the answer is in the moments you let slip away.
I made some serious promises to myself about a year ago. Promises concerning patience and kindness to others, pursuing wisdom in all things, learning from my mistakes, indulging my insatiable pursuit of knowledge and realizing important goals. I’ll admit it. They’ve been put on the back burner recently. No, not just on the back burner, if I’m being honest with myself. They’ve gone largely ignored as of late and the fault lies only and solely with me.
Coming to the realization a few years ago that I’d lived my life somewhat indulgently and even been reckless with other’s feelings and hearts, I decided then to be more cautious in all aspects of life. That is a difficult task for me, considering my naturally flighty and spontaneous nature. Well, I would say that in many aspects, I was successful. Today I can say with confidence that I am an honest, straight-forward and thoughtful person.
Unfortunately, I can not say that I am any closer to realizing my goals and I am no longer learning or moving forward. I’ve reached a wall in my evolution, and in order to scale that wall, I think I’m going to have to accept a certain amount of fresh pain and grunt work is a must. It’s time for me to cleanse, refresh and start over. Since I don’t have outrageous sums of money to hide away, contemplating in a lake cabin for a year, I’m going to have to suck it up and say no to the temptations around me. I must learn to focus, or I will never reach a single one of these goals.
I see a long and winding road yawning before me.
I like playing a simple little game you might like. Try to make people smile throughout your day by catching their eye and smiling at them. Nothing goofy, just an honest, kind smile. I always feel like I’ve accomplished something good if they look wrapped up in something yucky and I break their train of thought.
I smile at people all day, it is a natural thing for me. I know what you mean.
I suppose we are all guilty of life’s temptations. Inch by inch.
I know I beat myself up for not being closer to my goals. Why do we do that I wonder.
Exactly, it takes time.
I think ee do it for a lot of reasons. In this case, I’m overdue for some redirection. If I don’t do it, who will? I have high expectations for myself, yes, but without them what am I striving toward?
This is just about focusing.
Great post!! I enjoyed every piece of it! I’ve been thinking about that same exact thing lately. Hope all is well
Very happy to have found your blog. Although worded, and advertised differently; I find myself in much the same situation that you have described.
The only difference is that I’m beginning the year that you have concluded.
You said that you need to start fresh again. I’d be hesitant to label this rejuvenation a restart. You are aware of your priorities. You understand what you need to do and more importantly what you haven’t done that has kept you from achieving these goals.
When athletes train, they reach plateaus. While they may feel they have hit a wall, it is temporary. You seem to have a solid grasp on what needs to happen in your life. All the best in refocusing and succeeding.
Not only am I glad you stopped to comment, now reading over your comment, I love the thoughtful words you left behind.
Yes, this is more of a rejuvenation than a beginning. It’s a relief to be reminded of the plateaus common in training and growing. This temporary wall blocking my path is no longer intimidating and dare I say, even a bit exciting? Who knows what the future may hold for me…
Thank you for your thought provoking response. Looking forward to your future comments. Good luck with your beginning, as well.
Jen,
The Taoist view would be: Free from desire you realize the mystery. Caught in desire you see only the manifestations. In my 50 years this is what I find best to hold on to.
Also, lots of coffee!
Mmmm, coffee! Good advice.
It’s a good thing that you are realizing. I’ve had a year from hell, and got to wrestle with much the same thing – and came (a year ago) to a similar realization. It’s been good.
But along with that realization comes the need to forgive yourself and, once in a while, rest.
And so while life’s adversities and challenges ARE what make us better, you need to forgive yourself the occasional beer or epi of “Scrubs” or diversion into something you enjoy. “All work and no play” may not make Jen a dull girl, but one needs to seek balance, I think, even in terms of finding meaning in the mundane.
I agree and no worries, I’m still playing. Now, I just need to kickstart a jump back into blogging regularly. I miss it!
How I’ve missed you and your words. Your precious thoughts, places you’ve been. If I know anything for sure, I know you’ll figure how and when and what … and you’ll get it.
Be gentle with yourself.
I will and I’ve missed you as well. I’m planning on returning full force to the blogging world soon, I think I had a few things to sort out before that could happen.
I will try to be easier on myself.
Your friends and family are very lucky to have someone like you in their lives. OH and your puppies too. Love your writing.
Clay, what an incredibly nice thing to say. Thank you! I’m lucky to have many of them too.
jen, you are cute and your writing style is great. Keep it up~!~
Trying not to respond to your blog with a blog.
I think the best way to keep it plain and simple is to tell you how proud I am of you for figuring this out. I see so much of myself in you. This is the kind of thing you really do have to figure out for yourself, and I’ve got a huge smile on my face knowing that you’ve had this revelation. Just know that this is a process you will continue the rest of your life. Your goal will change as your situation changes. That’s okay. Once you figure out what it is you want out of life, ask yourself if the things you are currently doing are helping you to achieve that goal. If not, get them out of the way. Say no to people (except me, of course) and stop doing the things that only turn into frequent distractions.
I wish only the best for you!
Thanks for your comments Jen. I have been having a difficult time lately and have been striving desperately to find happiness. Then I realised that the world is not here to make me happy and this thought has brought me much peace. Thanks again.