Having a Little Faith in Me
When the road gets dark
And you can no longer see
Just let my love throw a spark
And have a little faith in me- John Hiatt
I’m thinking about starting a new blog or at the very least, heavily editing this one. It is time to embrace the turning over of a new leaf and just in time for the best of all the seasons, . . . Fall.
Each day, (unbeknownst to me) the heavy burden I’ve been lugging around for the last few years has been getting lighter – in difficult to notice and tiny amounts that finally added up. The unpredictable and frequent tears I cried in those still, quiet moments have blossomed into small, private grins and genuine laughs for absolutely no reason at all. I’m finding delight in the small and wonderful things and learning to take the big things one piece at a time. My most recent bout with rampant cynicism is dropping off rapidly and what remains is just enough to keep me feisty and spicy. (Two things I love to be.)
I made some huge steps forward recently. Steps I was wearily beginning to think I would never take. For the first time in such a long time, I feel more grateful and silly than I do pensive and sad. More excited about what the future might bring, instead of dwelling on the scars that the past has left so deeply on my heart. I’m looking at my life with new hope, clearer eyes and even feeling proud of what I’ve accomplished these past few months.
More important than all of this, and for the very first time in my life, I’ve learned to have a little faith in myself. I’m more confident in my abilities because of each difficulty I’ve had to overcome. Coming out of this last year not only intact, but better than I was, is a real revelation. One that I welcome with wide open arms.
I do not know what my future holds. Will I travel the world like I have dreamt of since I was just a little girl? Or am I destined to live in Texas forever? Will I get the job of my dreams one day or just one that pays the bills? I don’t know. But what I do know is that I have people in my life that love me. People that have shared my burdens when they didn’t have to, people that really care about me and I, for them. I also know that I treasure life and writing and nature and laughing. I know that I am thankful for each new day I am alive to greet and I can’t wait to see what the next few years bring to a still flawed, but wizened and gentler me.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
- Robert Frost
Keep thinking, feeling and writing. Hopefully all of that will give you a glimpse of what the rest of us see in you. Then your faith in yourself should enter a boundless growth phase.
Short post but worth the wait.
I remember that song was in a soundtrack from the movie, “Phenomenon.” Have you seen it? If not, you should. One of the movies I can never forget. And yep, I downloaded that song too.
If only seasons change here the way it does in other parts of the world, I’m sure I would be able to experience Fall too. But its only summer and rainy days here – so, I’m missing all those colorful leaves. It’s my favorite season too, even if we don’t have it here.
I think that with each new day, new month and new year, we seem to shed off some of the walls that we have built around ourselves and just embrace whatever comes. It doesn’t mean though that we can just carelessly forget those past accomplishments, past friends and past memories all too easily. We don’t have to forget them. Sometimes as I walk through life, I seem to think that with each time I change, parts of it have been contributed by my past.
No one knows what their future is, but I suppose we can still dream of traveling the world like we did when we were little. Never stop dreaming. Even the dead ones dream of unfinished businesses. Heh. And yes, I thank that you’re one of those fallen colorful leaves in Autumn who’ve been part of this road in my life. Even if we don’t really know each other, but meeting people is definitely good.
A toast to taking the road less traveled.
I have that song randomly play in my head all the time. Thank you for the toast and the thoughts. If anything, it’s a nice extension to what I was saying. I agree, we do shed our walls with the passage of time, at least we try to, and I’m looking forward to what my next new year may bring!
Enjoyed your most recent post, btw.
Good for you, and good luck on everything. Before I left the United States in May, I was very unhappy with what life was bringing and I felt weight that I shouldn’t really feel right now because I’m only 23 years old. Now that I’m in New Zealand for a little while. I’ve been freer (is it freer?) than before.
I’ve been worrying about things about finding a mate, getting a good job, and getting enough money to survive and when I was at home, I was often sad about these things among others. The experience that I’ve had here so far has made me a much better person than I was back home and maybe when I get back home I can translate that back to my life.
I hope everything goes well with you and your journey of life.
Thank you and I hope the same for you. After dialoguing with you for the past few months, I think you will continue to see an upward turn in life. Just remember to look at setbacks for the lesson they inevitably have and you should be fine.
I have tears right now sweetheart. How is it that you, your beautifully written sentiments can burst my heart open wide and make me feel at one with the world. Incredible to read this today at such a moment my heart was swelling, spilling the feelings that I too have a deep sense of.
In awe, as usual. Thank you for filling my cup.
I always look forward to you stopping by, dear Dawn. Thank you.
I am excited about your future too! And you know that no matter what happens, I’ll be here to listen and help in any way I can.
Knowing that is a gift. And don’t think it was accidental that Faith was in the title of this post!!
this resonates with me – and gives me hope. I am just now starting out on my own path to change and embrace my future. I’m glad you are finding peace and happiness now…even if I do miss seeing you as much.
You are an amazingly talented woman, with many gifts. Hopefully we will continue to see each other, even with the forced absence of my job change!